


id

by shizuruu



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Freudian Elements, M/M, Suicide, Unsafe Sex Practices, izaya is emotionally constipated, there's not a point or a conclusion to this, unsafe asphyxiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 11:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7571647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shizuruu/pseuds/shizuruu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>shizuo brings out the most primal part out in izaya. <br/>or<br/>freud gets way too much spotlight</p>
            </blockquote>





	id

**00**

The sky bleeds a beautifully full orange color - only a mirage of the street lamps, never forgiving or gentle to the stars above, concealed by the curtain of light. It's the perfect evening - or is it beginning to be night already? - for trying to kill someone.

Trying being the key word here as actually succeeding in the attempt would have been more of a suprise than not. Quite used to the constant struggle with no clear results, he doesn't really expect to suddenly be able to slice the monster up despite it being quite a satisfying thought. Rather he's completely content with just being able to do some damage. The clenching in his stomach and hatred burning through his bones are a telling factor of how much he needs the violence rushing through his veins again.

But Shizuo is the impulsively angry one, apparently.

He doesn't quite mind - on the contrary, he'd rather pretend that he has full control of the situation, that his brain doesn't ache with the thought of stabbing and prying at the wound until there's skin behind his nails, that there's nothing driving him mad with the urgency of kill, kill, kill - or at least destroy, destroy, destroy.

Supposedly the human beings run on two instincts at their core - thanatos and eros. Thanatos supposedly representing destruction, violence and death, the destruction of self and others.

Thanatos it is then.

He jumps of the railing, his eyes glazed over with visions of absolute havoc and chaos. Taking out his phone, he checks the "HEIWAJIMA ALERT" forum for updates on the monster's whereabouts.

Soon he is greeted with a blurry photo of Shizuo Heiwajima sitting on a bench at a playground - coincidentally just a block away. How wonderful.

_\- It isn't that I want to fight Shizu-chan in particular._

_\- It's just that I don't have any particular desire to lift a hand against my humans._

_\- With Shizu-chan being a monster, I have nothing to worry about._

Reasoning doesn't lessen the volume of his head, screaming at him to hurt hurt hurt someone and he completely ignores the passer-bys scattering as he struts his way over to Shizuo.

"Shizu-chan."

With this word a death match begins.

Without hesitation Shizuo turns around and stomps his cigarette into the ground. Izaya takes a step closer as Shizuo grips tight the bench - and then without a drop of sweat, uproots it, a grin settling on his face.

Next seconds resemble a carefully planned out dance in the smooth movements - a step to the right, the bench slams into the ground right next to Izaya's left foot, a glint of metal sliding into Izaya's hands and three seconds of baited breaths before the audience evacuates the area. Trying to land a punch while avoiding Izaya's switchblade turns out to be quite the task for Shizuo - but like-wise for Izaya who, completely shutting out every sound, smell, taste and touch, is focused simply on the visuals of what's going on in front of him.

Three steps back and one to the left, jumping up on another bench and hiding behind a slide, Izaya uses his surroundings in a much more delicate way than Shizuo, who resorts to demolishing everything in his way, using the remnaints as weapons. That's when the first hit comes - right after a badly thought-out attack on Shizuo's left side by Izaya, Shizuo uses the moment and slams his knee into Izaya's chest.

With wide eyes and blood boiling, adrenaline coursing through him like a drug, Izaya coughs and gasps for breath, only letting his guard down for a second - rolling away just in time to avoid being impaled on a swingset pole. Getting up in a rush, Izaya doesn't even feel the pain anyone else would have felt - he immediately flicks his wrist in the direction of Shizuo - three blades flying at an incredible speed at Shizuo. One of them hits his leg and the tip embeds itself in it while the other two fall in vain. Crushing the blade in his leg, Shizuo turns to Izaya and slams the pole in his general direction.

Jump back, turn around and run. Izaya licks his lips and doesn't anticipate the pole hitting him in the legs, making him fall. Turning around instantly, he sees Shizuo approaching.

The high from the fight already getting to Izaya's brain, he just laughs and spreads his legs, holding a knife in each of his hands behind his back.

"Got me," he laughs and waits until the monster is close enough to strike. As soon as Shizuo approaches him, he attempts to jump to his feet - but instead falls back down.

Shizuo's time to laugh. The laughter rings in Izaya's ears, distantly embedding itself in his brain.

Shizuo takes his time looking at Izaya, as Izaya ponders his possibilities. But before Izaya can do anything, Shizuo kicks him straight in the face. Blood leaks out of Izaya's nose and mouth and he feels the coppery taste on his tongue. His whole vision spins and the vibrant reds in his sight suddenly dull to grey.

A frown.

"Boring, you're boring," Izaya whispers, bad sort of emptiness settling on his tongue.

"Or you're just too weak, Izaya," resonates in the air above him.

**01**

Supposedly the human beings run on two instincts at their core - thanatos and eros. Eros being the sexual drive, in its pure primal form.

Shizuo's apartment smells like something died in it and maybe it's just the continual stench of Izaya's blood being practically everywhere. Like some twisted way of marking his territory, almost.

Clothes don't linger on either of them for too long.

"Monster, monster, Shizu-chan's a monster," Izaya giggles but there's no joy in his voice, only tiredness.

"Shut up," Shizuo growls and warns Izaya with his hand on Izaya's throat.

They don't kiss as most couples would. Shizuo cruelly lathers his dick in enough lubricant and decides that's as much foreplay as he's willing to give.

A pained scream resonates through the apartment and Izaya's blood buzzes with excitement again, eyes wide. He feels Shizuo stretching him and gasps in tiny breaths, tries to play it cool, but fails miserably.

"Shi... zu... cha-" is all that he's able to say before Shizuo restraining his airway.

"I told you to shut the fuck up," he growls.

A roll of Shizuo's hips is enough to make Izaya regret speaking up as he tries to gasp for breath but nothing comes in, with the bruising grip of Ikebukuro's fortissimo on his throat. Izaya's cheeks are full of blood and his eyes are wide and staring at Shizuo and slowly filling with tears as the lack of air proves to be too difficult.

In that moment Shizuo lets go and this time Izaya doesn't say anything, simply content with gasping for breath as Shizuo rolls his hips once again, this time with more precision and Izaya moans breathily.

The room is quiet except for the skin/skin slapping, breathy moans and throaty groans.

**02**

They finish like that. None of them acknowledges what happened, suddenly both of them acting strangely docile.

"There was a belief, spread widely by Rasputin," Izaya begins, laying on the bed with body naked and bruised under street lamp light. ", that to truly connect with God, you first have to rid your body of all sin."

Shizuo grunts and turns to face Izaya.

"The only way of doing that," Izaya continues, staring at the ceiling with blurry eyes ", is by sinning and exhausting yourself in the process. When you think about it, the same practice is used in modern therapy - by picking apart and talking about your traumas, you are supposed to be freed of them."

"Hm"

"But the doctors never count with one thing. You cannot free yourself of your trauma - you can accept it but you're never completely free."

Turning towards Shizuo, Izaya points at Shizuo's bare chest.

"It's just like this scar - it won't disappear though it stopped hurting at some point. But there's always a reminder of it embedded in your skin and the memory of pain remains with you."

"Are you planning on killing yourself?" Shizuo asks, empty eyes bearing into Izaya.

"I don't know," Izaya mumbles and turns around, pretending to go to sleep.

_\- The point here isn't that I want to die._

_\- The point is that I want to destroy. I want to be destroyed._

_\- Maybe the only way of ridding myself of this wish is by acting on it._

"Shizu-chan will be the first to know if I ever do."

**02.1**

“People think he’s such a cold blooded person but actually he is more human than anyone else and his heart is very fragile. It can easily break from human’s love or betrayal. That is why I think he decided to avoid everything from the beginning and love all humans. Do you understand? It’s not accepting it or dealing with it, but turning away from it.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not really a huge fan of freud actually. jung is more my type.


End file.
